


the words of the prophets are written in gay teenage group chats

by cherryhibiscus



Category: Ever After High
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, Crack, F/F, F/M, Gen, Humor, LGBTQ Character, M/M, Teenagers, a pastime read, don’t take anything in here seriously, girls gays theys and the cis, its just a bunch of kids being chaotic, some ships are established some might take time, there is absolutely no plot, there is at least one relationship development in here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:14:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28122948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherryhibiscus/pseuds/cherryhibiscus
Summary: Apple innocently creates a group chat for the juniors of Ever After High, in hopes they will use it to grow closer and help each other succeed this upcoming school year. They each have common interests, and have been close from the get-go, so surely this would work out?It works out… just not how Apple intended.
Relationships: Ashlynn Ella/Hunter Huntsman, Briar Beauty/Faybelle Thorn, C.A. Cupid/Blondie Lockes, Cerise Hood/Cedar Wood, Chase Redford/Alistair Wonderland, Darling Charming/Apple White, Dexter Charming/Raven Queen, Kitty Cheshire/Lizzie Hearts, Poppy O'Hair/Duchess Swan, Ramona Badwolf/Justine Dancer, Rosabella Beauty/Daring Charming
Comments: 31
Kudos: 117





	1. girls are not therapy!! get help!!

**Author's Note:**

> apple white - appleblossom  
> raven queen - emobird  
> ashlynn ella - guccislippers  
> briar beauty - idontgetnosleep  
> chase redford- stepbro  
> cedar wood - stopfrickinlying  
> cerise hood - fuckyachickenstrips  
> madeline hatter - melaniemartinez  
> kitty cheshire - abadbleep  
> lizzie hearts - lizbian  
> duchess swan - babyhangingstation  
> justine dancer - freestyledanceteacher  
> ramona badwolf - biggaywolf  
> alistair wonderland - lostinwonderland  
> faybelle thorn - gaybelle  
> bunny blanc - momfriend  
> daring charming - bigbirkinbag  
> dexter charming - wtfisupkyle  
> rosabella beauty - friendswiththemonster  
> darling charming - swordlesbian  
> holly o’hair - towerprincess  
> poppy o’hair - legitness  
> c.a cupid - whatislove  
> blondie lockes - mcdonalds  
> sparrow hood - l8r_sk8r  
> hunter huntsman - guacguacmole

**appleblossom created a chat!**

**appleblossom has added swordlesbian, emobird, bigbirkinbag, and 21 other people.**

**appleblossom named this chat “EAH friends!”**

  
  


**appleblossom:** Hi, everyone! Since school is coming around the corner, I made this group chat so that everyone can work together and we can all do our fairy best this year.

 **emobird:** Apple

 **appleblossom:** Yes?

 **emobird:** you know the people you added here right?

 **gaybelle:** SUP MOTHERFUCKERSSSSSS

**gaybelle renamed this chat “suck my wiggly dick”**

**gaybelle changed their nickname to “Literally God”** **  
  
**

**appleblossom:** FAYBELLE! WHAT DID YOU DO?!

 **Literally God:** Apple give me admin

 **appleblossom:** Are you crazy?! No way!

 **Literally God:** Apple please I wont do anything bad

 **appleblossom:** You’re not even admin and look what you did!

 **momfriend:** Hi, Apple. Maybe you could give me admin?

 **appleblossom:** Of course :D!

**appleblossom has given momfriend an admin role!**

**guccislippers:** apple you do know that bunny is in the same room as faybelle right

 **appleblossom:**...She is?

 **fuckyachickenstrips:** WHY THE FUCK IS BUNNY CHASING FAYBELLE AT LIKE 400MPH

**momfriend has given Literally God an admin role!**

**Literally God has kicked appleblossom from their admin position**

**Literally God has kicked momfriend from their admin position**

**Literally God has changed the group chat rules. see** **rules** **for details.**

**Literally God has nicknamed idontgetnosleep as “The prettiest girl ever <3”**

**The prettiest girl ever <3: **aww ily too fay

 **Literally God:** anything for you baby girl

 **swordlesbian:** hey y’all what-

 **swordlesbian:** HOW THE FUCK DOES FAYBELLE TAKE OVER A GROUP CHAT IN TWO MINUTES

 **Literally God:** I’m just built different

 **appleblossom:** Faybelle, this is cheating! You had no right to do this!

 **Literally God:** i cant hear you on top of my lesbian throne apple speak up pls

 **swordlesbian:** i challenge you for the throne!

 **Literally God:** fight me bitch

 **swordlesbian:** A BITCH JUST MIGHT

 **appleblossom:** Darling, please don’t fight Faybelle! You can have any other throne!

 **swordlesbian:** BUT I WANT THE LESBIAN ONE

 **mcdonalds:** just take the sapphic throne, its open and holds more power

 **swordlesbian:** YES

 **swordlesbian:** FAYBELLE GIVE ME A ROLE FOR IT

 **Literally God:** right on captain

**Literally God has created the role “Ruler Of The Sapphics” and added it to swordgirl’s card.**

**swordlesbian:** YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 **appleblossom:** Proud of you, babe!

 **The prettiest girl ever <3: ** what are roles?

 **fuckyachickenstrips:** they’re just these little things that make group chats look cooler, they dont actually do anything (except for admin role ofc)

 **Literally God:** is there anything better than pussy

 **appleblossom:** Yes! A really good book!

 **The prettiest girl ever <3: **knowing apple she might mean that literally

 **emobird:** i’m supposed to send my roommate application but apple left me for darling >:(

 **stopfrickinlying:** pretty sure every gay person is gonna room with their bf/gf

 **abadbleep:** duh, as long as grimm doesn’t know his students r gay they can room with whoever

 **melaniemartinez:** kitty left me for her gf, do u wanna room with me

 **emobird:** sounds chaotic, im in

 **towerprincess:** poppy why dont you wanna room with me :(

 **legitness:** i roomed with you last year, its duchess turn

 **towerprincess:** but we always share a room :(

 **legitness:** yes but duchess is my gf, and i love her and wanna spend more time with her

 **towerprincess:** i understand, it’ll be hard not sharing a room with you tho :(

 **legitness:** thank you holly :) ily btw

 **towerprincess:** ily too!

 **fuckyachickenstrips:** how.. does that fucking work for you guys

 **legitness:** because siblings care about one another?

 **fuckyachickenstrips:** you wanna bet?

 **fuckyachickenstrips:** ramona why dont you wanna room with me :(

 **biggaywolf:** BECAUSE YOU’RE FUCKING ANNOYING AND MESSY

 **fuckyachickenstrips:** ME??? MESSY?? HAVE YOU SEEN YOUR SIDE OF THE ROOM?? IT LOOKS LIKE A FUCKING WASTELAND

 **abadbleep:** she won’t even deny the “annoying” accusation

 **biggaywolf:** THATS YOUR SIDE OF THE ROOM DIPSHIT

 **fuckyachickenstrips:** DO YOU WANNA GO OUTSIDE?? DO YOU WANNA GO OUTSIDE AND FIGHT IN AN APPLEBEE’S PARKING LOT RIGHT NOW??

 **biggaywolf:** no, we’re doing it at denny’s and thats final

 **fuckyachickenstrips:** FINE 4PM DONT BE LATE

 **swordlesbian:** is that what its like to have a sister

 **towerprincess:** IT SHOULDN’T BE????

 **freestyledanceteacher:** im not that close to my sisters so i wouldn’t know, but i dont think it should

 **appleblossom:** Isn’t the Denny’s parking lot where those two ex girlfriends sword fight?

 **emobird:** yeah, which is why i challenge maddie to a sword fight at a denny’s parking lot

 **wtfisupkyle:** when did maddie and raven date-

 **melaniemartinez:** freshman sweethearts as they say

 **whatislove:** I’ve never heard that term in my life 

**fuckyachickenstrips:** i can schedule a sword fight with kitty at 4:05

 **guccislippers:** 5 minutes after ur first one?

 **fuckyachickenstrips:** its ramona, two minutes to beat her up and three minutes to gloat

 **biggaywolf:** justine you deserve better than dating someone who’s about to go to jail for murder

 **freestyledanceteacher:** pls dont kill your sister

 **biggaywolf:** i just might

 **whatislove:** hey ash who are you rooming with this year?

 **guccislippers:** probs holly, y

 **whatislove:** im not sure who to room with, im thinking blondie again but…

 **mcdonalds:** but what

 **whatislove:** ur lack of awareness about people’s personal space is exhausting

 **mcdonalds:** not true! im totally aware name one time i invaded ur personal space

 **appleblossom:** You broke into my room so you could “borrow” my makeup.

 **The prettiest girl ever <3: **You broke into my locker so you could get money for a bag of Taki’s.

 **fuckyachickenstrips:** You tried to take my hood off in the middle of class.

 **emobird:** You shoved a camera in my face because you were trying to interview me even when I said I didn’t want to.

**Literally God has nicknamed mcdonald’s as “Criminal Of The Year”**

**Criminal Of The Year:** i guess i deserve that

 **whatislove:** no offence blondie, i know you mean well.. sometimes

 **Criminal Of The Year:** lol okay we can still be roomies tho rite

 **friendswiththemonster:** its like she didnt even try to be subtle

 **bigbirkinbag:** i think thats exactly what happened

 **Criminal Of The Year:** Fairy Gary give me admin

 **Literally God:** FAIRY WHO

 **Criminal Of The Year:** give me admin for five seconds

 **Literally God:** I WILL COUNT TO FIVE

 **Criminal Of The Year:** oh shit gotta go fast then

**Literally God has given Criminal Of The Year an admin role!** **  
****Criminal Of The Year has renamed this chat “be gay, do crime”** **  
****Literally God has kicked Criminal Of The Year from their admin position.** **  
  
**

**Criminal Of The Year:** MY PALMS ARE SWEATING BUT I MADE IT

 **appleblossom:** But what if I’m gay and I don’t want to do crime?

 **melaniemartinez:** be a crime and go do gay stuff

 **appleblossom:** But what crime am I?

 **swordlesbian:** its illegal to be that sexy

 **appleblossom:** <//3

 **wtfisupkyle:** HYPOTHETICALLY, what if someone isn’t gay and does crimes

 **lizbian:** their crime is being straight, then

 **Literally God:** its impossible anyways name someone here who’s 100% straight

 **appleblossom:** Daring?

 **bigbirkinbag:** Bisexual, pass.

 **appleblossom:** Dexter?

 **wtfisupkyle:** also a bisexual

 **appleblossom:** Ashlynn? Rosabella?? Hunter?????

 **guccislippers:** bisexual

 **friendswiththemonster:** pansexual

 **guacguacamole:** pansexual x2

 **The prettiest girl ever:** WHAT ABOUT ALISTAIR

 **lostinwonderland:** do you guys mind if i add my boyfriend to the chat since he’s going to school with us?

 **Literally God:** yeah go add ur-

 **Literally God:** WHAT THE FUCK- BO Y F R IE ND ???

 **lizbian:** ...yeah? alistair’s gay?

 **abadbleep:** lizzie we’re all gay. wonderland doesn’t have straight people

 **momfriend:** ..me?

 **melaniemartinez:** aww bunny its cute u think that

 **lostinwonderland:** okay im just gonna add him

**lostinwonderland has invited stepbro to the group chat.**

**stepbro has joined the chat. welcome!**

  
  


**stepbro:** WHATS UP HOMOSEXUALS

 **lostinwonderland:** CHASE HONEY NO THIS IS SO NOT LIKE YOU

 **stepbro:** i have less than 30 minutes of screentime in my entire life

 **stepbro:** nobody knows what i'm like

 **appleblossom:** ..Screentime?

 **melaniemartinez:** don’t ask it’s best you don’t know


	2. Daenerys Targaryen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First day of classes!

**[be gay, do crime]**   
  


**Literally God deleted their nickname.**

**gaybelle deleted the prettiest girl ever <3’s nickname.**

**gaybelle has created the role “Owner of Faybelle’s heart” and added it to idontgetnosleep’s card.**

**gaybelle deleted Criminal Of The Year’s nickname.**

**gaybelle has created the role “Criminal” and added it to mcdonald’s card.**

**gaybelle has given appleblossom an admin role!** **  
  
**

**gaybelle:** briar said to change things back

**appleblossom:** You can keep your admin role if Briar can hold you back. Also, if Briar said change things back, change back the group chat name.

**idontgetnosleep:** i said nothing about the group chat name i want to kepe it

**appleblossom:** Briar, we can’t keep* it. I don’t want my friends committing crimes.

**l8r_sk8r:** fuck being good im a bad bitch im sick of motherfuckers tryna tell me how 2 live

**fuckyachickenstrips:** distantlyrelateddistantlyrelateddistantlyrelated

**stopfrickinlying:** cerise r u okay?

**fuckyachickenstrips:** as long as sparrow breathes, no :)

**stopfrickinlying:** sparrow stop breathing

**l8r_sk8r:** i wish i could do that but making my mom sad is guilt trippin me

**babyhangingstation:** sparrow is a .. mama’s boy?

**towerprincess:** he’s always had a closer relationship to his mother, though he’s friendly with his dad too

**l8r_sk8r:** hey!! no exposing me >:(

**emobird:** how the hell r sparrow and holly friends

**towerprincess:** complicated story for another time

**freestyledanceteacher:** HELP

**appleblossom:** ?

**freestyledanceteacher:** MADDIE JUST BLEW UP A CONCOCTION IN CLASS AND SOMEONE JUST SHAT AN EGG

**emobird:** SOMEONE JUST… SHAT.. AN E G G ?????

**appleblossom:** IT IS LITERALLY… THE FIRST DAY.. OF CLASSES!!!

**l8r_sk8r:** GUYS GUESS WHAT

**l8r_sk8r:** IM GONNA BE A MOM TO A LITTLE DRAGON!!!

**melaniemartinez:** aww! congratulations!

**friendswiththemonster:** HOW THE HELL DOES SOMEONE SHIT AN EGG OF T H A T SIZE

**wtfisupkyle:** i can testify that sparrow was sitting and when he stood up an egg was there, so whether or not he really shit the egg we dont know

**guacguacamole:** i guess we’ll never know *cue music*

**gaybelle has created the role “Mother of Dragons” and added it to l8r_sk8r’s card.**

  
  


**whatislove:** who the hell turned darling invisible she will literally commit several war crimes

**swordlesbian:** imma beat chase’s ass rn meet me on the courtyard

**stepbro:** dont fuck with me, i have the power of god and anime on my side

**appleblossom:** WHICH CLASS IS THIS?

**emobird:** something tells me chemythstry, i can hear a lot of screaming from the hall it’s in

**freestyledanceteacher:** ur not wrong

**fuckyachickenstrips:** hunter why can i see u standing on top of a tree

**guacguacamole:** im establishing dominance against my pet squirrel

**guccislippers:** what did pesky do this time

**guacguacamole:** he just ate my fucking cashews

**gaybelle:** aww poor baby

**abadbleep:** i have the entire video of chase getting beat up by an invisible darling

**stepbro:** KITTY NO DONT LEAK IT I BEG

**lostinwonderland:** leak it

**stepbro:** FUCK YOU ALISTAIR

**lostinwonderland:** 8PM?

**stepbro:** ...fine

**emobird:** I DIDNT WANT TO READ THAT

**abadbleep has sent a three minute, fifty-two seconds video.**

**swordlesbian:** BAHAHAHAHA GET FUCKING REKT

**mcdonalds:** NDJBJBFNFIOANINKWM

**lizbian:** this is so awkward out of context

**stopfrickinlying:** it is. i watched that in real time from the window b4 coming to the gc

**lostinwonderland:** darling my bf is in the office snitching on u

**swordlesbian:** HOLY SHIT IS HE

**melaniemartinez:** he’s in the office but i dont think he snitched

**lostinwonderland:** no he got called in just so grimm could check on him, he won’t tell because he.. “has his reasons”

**swordlesbian:** dammit i hope no saw me when my potion ran out >:(

**appleblossom:** Darling, why are you so mean to Chase?

**swordlesbian:** im not being mean, it’s just us in the midst of our epic rivalry that will be spoken of for the ages

**stepbro:** we signed a document, its legal to do this, and illegal to snitch, so i didnt tell grimm

**towerprincess:** it would’ve been more interesting if they had some sort of former relationship and now they meet again with hatred for each other when they both secretly believe they have unrequited love

**legitness:** holly stop bringing your fanfic tropes into our lives, we’re real people

**abadbleep:** ...are we though?

**gaybelle:** ...yeah?

**lizbian:** are we though?

**l8r_sk8r:** i’d think i would want to fucking know if my life is so interesting people wanna read about it

**stopfrickinlying:** doesnt that mean people are reading this group chat?

**melaniemartinez:** KITTY THEY KNOW TOO MUCH

**abadbleep:** SO WHAT DO WE DO

**babyhangingstation:** what the fuck?

**melaniemartinez:** END THE CHAPTER END THE CHAPTER WE HAVE TO RESET THE SYSTEM


	3. there are homosexuals among us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pink: sutopiod bitch i cn soell
> 
> Purple: ITS SPELT SO BAD I FEEL LIKE ITS ON PURPOSE
> 
> Pink: fybel cadted a spel on me so i tyeo wods al rong ses’ so fucking annyfing
> 
> Yellow: And yet she spells curse words completely right. Okay, then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

**[You have been invited to a group chat named: “AMONG US <3”. Join?]**

**[You joined the group chat!]**

**appleblossom’s name has been changed to “Yellow.”** **  
  
**

**Yellow:** I’m looking at the names. How do I know who is who?

 **Purple:** tbh… we forgot

 **Purple:** we kinda just go by the way u text ig?   
**Purple:** for example: the voice of reason will be you

 **Purple:** person who’s done with every1’s shit is cerise, but her name is kinda obvious

 **Red:** coulda just said that from the beginning

 **Yellow:** Why am I not red? Red’s my signature color!

 **Red:** i got added first and my story is literally Little RED Riding Hood.. so-

 **Yellow:** Well, I guess.

 **Purple:** the other person who is done with every1’s shit but is super annoying about it is duchess

 **White:** fuck u raven

 **Purple:** person who can’t spell is briar

 **Pink:** sutopiod bitch i cn soell

 **Purple:** ITS SPELT SO BAD I FEEL LIKE ITS ON PURPOSE

 **Pink:** fybel cadted a spel on me so i tyeo wods al rong ses’ so fucking annyfing

 **Yellow:** And yet she spells curse words completely right. Okay, then.

 **Purple:** boring dude is alistair

 **Orange:**...Thanks?

 **Purple:** person with the strangest wording on earth is sparrow

 **Dark Green:** damn i feel attacked like a kick in the balls

 **Purple:** lizzie is.. lizzie? she screams sometimes

 **Black:** OH SO I DONT GET AN INTERESTING INSULT?? OFF W UR HEAD 

**Purple:** and ngl we have a hard time differing mona and fay, they’re both the sassy gay panics, they text way too similar

 **Dark Blue:** no we fucking dont

 **Cyan:** no we fucking dont

 **Purple:** ANYWAYS.. we were gonna do a voice chat BUT SOMEBODY WONT STOP SCREAMING INTO THEIR MIC DURING MEETINGS

 **Dark Green:** IM REHEARSING MY NEW SINGLE YOU JUST DONT APPRECIATE ME

 **Purple:** WE DONT WANNA HEAR IT WHEN WE WANNA FIGURE OUT WHO KILLED ALISTAIR

 **Orange:** yeah.. i always get killed first :(

 **Purple:** here’s the code btw

**[Lobby]**

**Purple:** wait where are Briar and Faybelle

 **Black:** oh my god, they literally have so much DLC on

 **Cyan:** Briar and I went.. shopping

 **Pink:** Faybelle got me a mini crewmate!!

 **Dark Blue:** okay can we start now

 **Purple:** WAIT LET ME PUT MY WITCH HAT ON!

 **Purple:** lol okay lets start

**[SHHH!]**

**[CREWMATE, 2 IMPOSTERS]**

**Apple goes straight to Admin to complete her first task.**

**She then goes to Electrical to download. Briar joins her and goes to do wires. She seems to be standing there a little too long, however.**

**Apple flees Electrical and goes to Security to see what’s going on. Cerise enters Admin and hasn’t left for a while.**

**Alistair enters Admin and stays there for a few seconds, then leaves. Cerise still hasn’t left.**

**Cerise has been attempting to swipe card for the past two minutes.**

**Cerise:** THIS FUCKING CARD SWIPE MAN IM GONNA KILL MYSELF

**First Imposter kills Cerise and flees.**

**Cerise, now a ghost, completes the swipe card task on the first try.**

**Cerise:** IM GONNA FUCKING LOSE ITTTT-

**Apple goes to Admin to see the problem and discovers Cerise’s body.**

**Body reported!**

**Apple (Yellow), reporter:** Oh, poor Cerise! I’m sorry that happened!

 **Ramona (Dark Blue):** GET REKT CERISE LMFAOOOO

 **Raven (Purple):** one of them is an acquaintance, the other is her literal sister

 **Alistair (Orange):** WOW I DIDNT GET KILLED FIRST?? THANKS IMPS

 **Lizzie (Black):** Which is precisely why we should vote Alistair.

 **Briar (Pink):** Y tho?

 **Lizzie (Black):** Alistair ALWAYS gets killed first, it’s a procedure at this point. And he’s not the first victim yet? The only possible explanation is that he is an imposter.

 **Faybelle (Cyan):** Am I the only one who hasn’t even seen the dude?

 **Duchess (White):** Probably “hiding” and “cleaning” the vents.

 **Alistair (Orange):** YOU GUYS ARE MEAN, YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE THE BODY IS.

 **Apple (Yellow):** Actually, I’ve been on cameras for a bit. The body was in admin, and you were the last person there.

 **Duchess (White):** OH SHIT

 **Sparrow (Dark Green):** HAHA HE GOT CAUGHT

 **Alistair (Orange):** NO WAIT I SAW CERISE IN ADMIN BUT SHE WAS ALIVE I STG

 **Alistair (Orange):** PLEASE DONT VOTE MEEEEE

 **Ramona (Dark Blue):** damn rip cerise i thought ur killer was gonna be better than this

 **Sparrow (Dark Green):** k bye alistair

 **Alistair (Orange):** NOOOO

**Orange was ejected.**

**Apple goes to Navigation and does a couple of tasks before proceeding to Communications. She sees Ramona fly by as though she was running from something, so Apple goes to check it out. There’s nothing suspicious.**

**The lights are sabotaged. Apple goes to fix it, because that’s what good people do. Suddenly, she hears the sound of a stab. The lights turn back on, and Ramona is dead in a stack of 8 people.**

**Ramona:** I AM GOING TO FUCKING RIOTTTT

**Body reported!**

**Apple (Yellow):** I was fixing the lights!   
**Lizzie (Black), reporter:** We were ALL fixing the lights, that’s how Ramona got killed.

 **Raven (Purple):** Okay, so I know that Sparrow was there before me, and then Lizzie, Duchess, Apple, and Ramona came in. Where were Faybelle and Briar?

 **Briar (Pink):** Making out in Reactor.

 **Faybelle (Cyan):** yeah lol

 **Apple (Yellow):** Okay, so if Faybelle and Briar were late to the sabotage, does that make them suspicious?

 **Lizzie (Black):** Who ACTUALLY fixed lights?

 **Briar (Pink):** We saw the switches flick too much, I don’t know.

 **Duchess (White):** I could be wrong but I THINK IT WAS ME. I think I managed to get the last switch before the lights went back on.

 **Apple (Yellow):** So Sparrow got there first but didn’t fix lights?

 **Duchess (White):** The dude isn’t even speaking.

 **Sparrow (Dark Green):** I’ll have you know I have to multitask and have lunch with my mother. I went AFK at lights so someone else could fix it.

 **Apple (Yellow):** AFK?   
**Briar (Pink):** Away from keyboard.

 **Apple (Yellow):** Thanks.

 **Duchess (White):** So voting off Sparrow?

 **Raven (Purple):** We don’t have evidence?

 **Duchess (White):** what difference will it make if sparrow is AFK, he’ll just get killed

 **Faybelle (Cyan):** Duchess is pretty sus for wanting to get Sparrow out so quickly.

 **Briar (Pink):** Vote Sparrow but keep an eye on Duchess?

 **Lizzie (Black):** I guess.

**Dark Green was ejected.**

**An emergency meeting is called by Purple!**

**Raven (Purple):** Okay so if the game is still going on there’s a chance that there are still two impostors so we need to vote now.

 **Duchess (White):** We don’t have any evidence.

 **Raven (Purple):** Actually, I caught one red handed.

 **Raven (Purple):** I saw Briar fake a task in Reactor.

 **Faybelle (Cyan):** WHAT

 **Raven (Purple):** That task in Reactor doesn’t exist, Briar. What are you doing there?

 **Briar (Pink):** Uh

 **Briar (Pink):** No reason

 **Faybelle (Cyan):** RAVEN DONT YOU DARE VOTE MY GIRLFRIEND

 **Raven (Purple):** I’m trying to win, Faybelle!

 **Apple (Yellow):** Maybe we should give Briar the benefit of the doubt?

 **Raven (Purple):** Briar didn’t even deny she faked a task

 **Briar (Pink):** I really thought it was a task!

 **Faybelle (Cyan):** NO DONT VOTE BRIAR I BEG OF YOU GAYS

 **Lizzie (Black):** That was definitely on purpose.

 **Faybelle (Cyan):** VOTE ME BUT DONT VOTE BRIAR PLEASEEEE

 **Briar (Pink):** babe please you need to win

 **Faybelle (Cyan):** NO YOU NEED TO WIN

 **Briar (Pink):** It’s gonna be okay, Faybelle. You’re gonna win, promise me!

 **Faybelle (Cyan):** IT WONT BE A WIN IF WE VOTED YOU OUT PLEASE JUST VOTE ME

 **Briar (Pink):** Take care of our son, okay?

 **Gay belle (Cyan):** Of course I’ll take care of our rat bastard <3

 **Apple (Yellow):** This is such a tragic love story I might cry.

 **Duchess (White):** Barf.

  
**Ghost Chat:**

**Alistair (Orange):** I would’ve voted Briar anyways

 **Ramona (Dark Blue):** You heartless fucker

 **Cerise (Red):** You’re one to talk, you would’ve voted Briar too

 **Ramona (Dark Blue):** If I had lasted a little longer, I most definitely would have voted both of the imps off by now.

 **Cerise (Red):** Sure you would have.

**Pink was ejected. The game continues.**

**Lizzie:** NO WAIT WHAT THE FUCK

 **Duchess:** WE ARE SCREWEDDDD

**The Oxygen was sabotaged, Faybelle kills Duchess.**

**The Imposters, Raven and Faybelle, win.**

**[chillin like a villain]**

**Queen Elizabeth:** YOU FUCKERS

 **Edgar Allen Poe:** BAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 **Thorn In Your Side:** BAKNANOLENFKN

 **Queen Elizabeth:** YOU MADE US PLAY THAT STUPID GAME JUST SO YOU COULD DO THAT ASSIGNMENT

 **Edgar Allen Poe:** YEAH AND WHAT ABOUT IT??? SJCJNOWOS

 **Running With The Wolves:** how the fuck did they know they were gonna be imps

 **Edgar Allen Poe:** i have a gamer/tech bf.. he learned how to hack that game in like 15 minutes

 **Running With The Wolves:** goddammit i cant believe i didnt think of that

**[be gay, do crime]**

**appleblossom:** so what exactly just happened

 **l8r_sk8r:** if im smart and have braincells, and i think i have maybe 4, raven and faybelle just got an A+ on a general villainy partner assignment we’re supposed to hand in tomorrow

 **babyhangingstation:** the criteria was to sabotage a bunch of heros from doing something heroic, more credit if you sabotage villains trying to sabotage heroes

 **fuckyachickenstrips:** but… sparrow and duchess arent rlly villains

 **lizbian:** they’re part of the class they basiclly count

 **lostinwonderland:** so why did briar fake a task if shes not imposter

 **idontgetnosleep:** may or may not have owed faybelle a favour

 **emobird:** HAHA I JUST HANDED THE ASSIGNMENT IN

 **biggaywolf:** seriously wtf

 **idontgetnosleep:** yall do realize that the others have no idea whats going on

 **friendswthemonster:** yes. exactly. what are you guys talking about.

 **stopfrickinlying:** aww u played among us without me :(??

 **emobird:** cedar u dont have a corresponding villain and u arent an anti character

 **fuckyachickenstrips:** NEVER PLAYING AMONG US WITH RAVEN AGAIN

 **emobird:** SO WHO’S GONNA BE THE DREW TO MY NANCY AND HELP ME SOLVE MURDERS

 **fuckyachickenstrips:** I DONT CARE GOODNIGHT

 **appleblossom:** It’s 6PM? 

**lizbian:** time is a manmade concept

 **l8r_sk8r:** this ending is pretty anticlimatic some1 say something stupid

 **gaybelle:** eat mozzarella sticks and pussy

 **swordlesbian:** i didnt know my lifestyle was something stupid


	4. jingle bells, milton smells

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas!

**[be gay, do crime]**

**whatislove:** HAPPY CURMUS

**abadbleep:** IS CHRISMUN

**melaniemartinez:** MERRY CRISIS

**gaybelle:** MERRY CHRYSLER

**appleblossom:** Why do you do that every year? Can't you just say Merry Christmas like normal people? Or at least Merry Xmas?!

**emobird:** the vines must live on

**idontgetnosleep:** TO FREEDOM!!!

**friendswiththemonster:** Merry Christmas girls gays and theys! Hope you all get your shit together next year!!!

**wtfisupkyle:** I haven’t gotten my shit together in the past 16 years what make you think I’ll do it next year

**swordlesbian:** name one person (besides my amazing beautiful gorgeous girlfriend) who actually has their shit together

**bigbirkinbag:** I don’t mean to brag but I nominate me

**swordlesbian:** daring you himbo you cried two days ago because you had an existential crisis because we didn’t have blueberry fucking muffins

**appleblossom:** But blueberries are his favourite! He has a right to be just a bit upset.

**wtfisupkyle:** did u read EXISTENTIAL CRISIS over BLUEBERRY MUFFINS

**bigbirkinbag:** DO YOU EVEN LOVE ME

**friendswiththemonster:** not only have we gone completely off topic but I suppose I’ll buy you some on my way to school today :)

**bigbirkinbag:** IF NOBODY GOT ME I KNOW MY AMAZING GF GOT ME

**stopfrickinlying:** are we still up for the secret santa party 2night?

**babyhangingstation:** SHIT THAT WAS TODAY I DIDNT GET MINE

**emobird:** damn I feel bad for her gift receiver

**babyhangingstation:** it’s u, bird shit

**emobird:** YOU ARE LITERALLY THE ONE WHO CAN TRANSFORM INTO A BIRD AND YET IM BIRD SHIT??

**wtfisupkyle:** poppy control your girlfriend please

**legitness:** I’d much rather watch and listen, I didn’t teach Duchess new curse words for nothing 

**babyhangingstation:** remind me what cuntslut means

**mcdonalds:** so what gift do we give grimm this year

**fuckyachickenstrips:** DRAGON PISS DUMPED ON HIS HEAD

**stepbro:** UNICORN SHIT STUFFED IN ALL OF HIS POCKETS

**legitness:** TROLL VOMIT EVERYWHERE IN HIS OFFICE

**appleblossom:** WHY ON EARTH DO YOU ALL HAVE THESE DISGUSTING AND NASTY IDEAS??

**melaniemartinez:** idk I low key approve

**freestyledanceteacher:** BRING THE APPEAL FORTH, WE PRESENT IT TO THE COURT

**[Court]**

**lizbian:** I’ve never been in an Ever After courtroom but it usually goes like this in Wonderland

**lizbian:** which one of you assfuckers are guilty and whose head do I bang a hammer with

**appleblossom:** Oh, dear Grimm. Wonderland sounds violent.

**abadbleep:** it is ;)

**lizbian:** I stand with three different appeals, if I could have the defence attorneys state their reasonings and cases for need of approval 

**stopfrickinlying:** Your Honor, think of how poorly Grimm has treated his students. We’re forced to remain closeted, hide who we are as people, and what better than to take instant action to punish him than directly throwing piss on his head? I hear that it smells for weeks, too.

**lostinwonderland:** OBJECTION!

**fuckyachickenstrips:** does he get to say that

**lizbian:** who cares I just wanna see you rip each other’s throats out

**lostinwonderland:** Where on Earth are we going to get so much dragon piss? We need to use our resources wisely. Unicorns shit like every other hour so we’d easily be able to get enough to fill his pockets to the brim.

**babyhangingstation:** OB FUCKING JECTION

**lostinwonderland:** OH COME ON

**stopfrickinlying:** not so fun when it happens to u huh

**babyhangingstation:** UNICORN SHIT DOES NOT SMELL AND IT LOOKS LIKE THE FUCKING RAINBOW AND ITS PRETTY DAMN DELICIOUS IF THE DUDE TRIES TO EAT IT

**legitness:** ...Babe?

**legitness:** why do you know what unicorn poop tastes like?

**freestyledanceteacher:** fucking yikes

**babyhangingstation:** I WAS HAVING A TOUGH TIME AT HOME AND ONE DAY I- went on the internet and found it out through articles, you not gonna catch me slipping

**gaybelle:** would’ve been cooler if you ate it

**babyhangingstation:** would’ve been cooler if you shut the fuck up

**lizbian:** in the eyes of my court that was the worst ducking trail of my life

**lizbian:** but unfortunately I have to choose a winner

**lizbian:** this was not difficult at all and I’m regretful to say that I think-

**idontgetnosleep:** WAIT

**idontgetnosleep:** *breaks into courtroom with a bedazzling pink dress covered in head to toe with Swarovski crystals and hair that makes rapunzel jealous and looks impossible and invincible*

**momfriend:** elle woods vibes

**appleblossom:** How she managed to verbally interrupt someone through a text message conversation, I won’t ask.

**idontgetnosleep:** WE SHOULD SEND HIM THIS GINORMOUS FUCKING PACKAGE AND HES GONNA BE SO EXCITED TO OPEN RHATVSHIT AND HE KEEPS IPENING IT TO FIND BLXES PACKED INSIDE BOXES AND BOXES RIGHT

**idontgetnosleep:** BUT HIS EGO IS SO INFLATED HES JUST GONNA KEEP TRYING TO GET INTO THE BOTTOM LF IT AND FIND WHAT HE WANTS

**idontgetnosleep:** SO THEN HE GOES FOR THE BOX FOR HOURS AND HOURS ONLY FOR IT TO BECOME THSI TINY ASS BOX THAT HAS A NOTE THAT SAYS “YOU SMELL LIKE DRAGON PISS AND TROLL VOMIT, EAT EXPIRED UNICORN SHIT”

**lostinwonderland:** is expired shit a thing

**idontgetnosleep:** AND THEN HE WILL BE SO FUCKING DEFEATED HE’LL LOOK DEPRESSED AS FUCK AND THEN WE END UP JUST DUMPING THOSE COMBINED THINGS ON HIS HEAD

**appleblossom:** Is Briar under the influence?

**gaybelle:** idk if that means she’s high but she isn’t 

**gaybelle:** not yet, anyway

**appleblossom:** I don’t wanna know anymore.

**l8r_sk8r:** the idea is fucking fire though

**legitness:** OH MY GOD WHAT IF WE DUMPED ALL OF THOSE COMBINED THINGS COMBINED WITH FIRE

**emobird:** OKAY WHAT THE FUCK R YOU GUYS ON

**towerprincess:** shared braincells, i bet

**babyhangingstation:** we all have one braincell that’s dehydrated and low on iron and share it

**swordlesbian:** okay so how many hours do we have to set this up

**fuckyachickenstrips:** maybe.. three hours?

**idontgetnosleep:** NO TIME TO WASTE YOU LESBIANS

**momfriend:** and what about the rest of us

**idontgetnosleep:** IDC WHO GIVES YOU HEART EYES LETS MOVE

  
  


**[be gay, do crime]**

**appleblossom:** I will never recover from this, my ability to save my friends is ruined. I will never recover from this, my ability to save my friends is ruined. I will never recover from this, my ability to save my friends is ruined. I will never recover from this, my ability to save my friends is ruined. 

**swordlesbian:** ah shit we broke apple

**guccislippers** : was that too much fire?

**emobird:** The recipe stated 350 degrees but I may or may not have done 375

**fuckyachickenstrips:** oh my god he’s gonna fucking die

**whatislove:** Good.

**mcdonalds:** Merry Crisis everyone! Hope u all have a good… HOLLYday

**towerprincess:** oh come on that wasn’t clever at all

**legitness:** BAJAJZKNXNFKFIDIEJWJDJIDIDNENEK

**towerprincess:** YOU CANT POSSIBLY THINK HER PUN WAS FUNNY

**melaniemartinez:** i give it a 6/10

**abadbleep:** seemed more like a 5.5

**lizbian:** I’ll be damned if you don’t give it a 7

**appleblossom:** You’re all crazy and.. a little freaked up!

**emobird:** freaked? apple are u 12

**appleblossom:** The Fairest of Them All CANNOT allow such disrespectful words into her conversation! 

**gaybelle:** person who gets apple to swear wins my life savings

**gaybelle:** and it’s like 100 thousand 

**swordlesbian:** I VOLUNTEER TO DO IT

**appleblossom:** WHAT?!

**swordlesbian:** and then I’ll donate to charity :)

**appleblossom:** THAT’S NOT REALLY EASING THE FACT YOU WANT ME TO SAY CURSE WORDS.

**swordlesbian:** IT CAN BE A PRETTY CURSE WORD

**emobird:** the fuck is a pretty curse word

**fuckyachickenstrips:** Twat face

**gaybelle:** Cum dumpster

**legitness:** Bastard whore 

**lizbian:** fuckstick

**guccislippers:** OKAY YOU HAVE MADE YOUR POINT EDGELORDS


	5. apple white versus the group chat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gaybelle: real hot girl shit
> 
> lostinwonderland: ..yeah im up in my bag but im in his too?
> 
> gaybelle: i was going for the lyrics to body BUT i like ur energy

**[girls!girls!girls!]**

**freestyledanceteacher:** any luck darling

 **swordlesbian:** if im being 100% with u i have had worse luck than getting a 5* on genshin

 **swordlesbian:** she hardly has a conversation with me because shes worried ill try sum

 **gaybelle:** i never said this challenge would be easy

 **idontgetnosleep:** okay but tbh shes probably been super super groomed into not saying cuss words

 **swordlesbian:** so have i but look where that got me

 **swordlesbian:** i’d call my dad a cuckface right the fuck now

 **gaybelle:** whats a dad

 **abadbleep:** beats me

 **biggaywolf:** YOUR DAD BEATS YOU??!?!

 **abadbleep:** WAIT NO MY DAD DOESNT BEAT ME DMKSNJKBCJO

 **lizbian:** i’d have him torn limb from fucking limb if he did

 **abadbleep:** dont worry i havent seen him around in forever so we’re ok <3

 **stopfrickinlying:** guys shouldnt u be in class?  
  
 **babyhangingstation:** cedar shouldn’t u be minding ur business

 **babyhangingstation:** they’re more chaotic when their in class its funnier

 **appleblossom:** When they’re* in class, Duchess. 

**babyhangingstation:** FUCK WHERE DID YOU COME FROM

 **appleblossom:** Darling, I just really wish you would drop it. I love you, but I have no interest in swearing.

 **swordlesbian:** fine

 **swordlesbian:** but tell me what rhymes with duck and truck

 **appleblossom:** Luck.

 **swordlesbian:** FUCK

**[be gay, do crime]**

**emobird:** day 13 of this challenge- Darling tried to get Apple to say pussy and she said the genitalia for assigned females at birth

 **whatislove:** WAIT SHES STILL DOING IT??

 **mcdonalds:** didn’t u see my broadcast, I sat her down for an interview about it and everything 

**fuckyachickenstrips:** darling is committed as fuck

 **friendswiththemonster:** that’s darling for u

 **l8r_sk8r:** maybe we should all just shout the word dick in her ears until she gives up

 **guccislippers:** we’ve shouted worse words and nothing happened

 **stepbro:** guys guess what

 **freestyledanceteacher:** LOok guys it’s Chase being relevant!!

 **stepbro:** fuck you

 **biggaywolf:** say that again bitchface

 **stepbro:** okay so none of you wanna hear about my new pet chinchilla okay :/

 **legitness:** oh? we’re listening

 **lizbian:** im not

 **stepbro:** then cry a rock

 **momfriend:** people don’t cry rocks chase

 **stepbro:** well lizzie does

 **lizbian:** i cry diamonds you cunt 

**gaybelle:** real hot girl shit

 **lostinwonderland:**..yeah im up in my bag but im in his too?

  
 **gaybelle:** i was going for the lyrics to body BUT i like ur energy 

**biggaywolf:** body crazy

 **guccislippers:** curvy wavy

 **l8r_sk8r:** big titties

 **abadbleep:** lil waist

 **emobird:** body crazy

 **idontgetnosleep:** curvy wavy

 **guacguacamole:** big titties

 **bigbirkinbag:** lil waist

 **babyhangingstation:** body ody ody

 **friendswiththemonster:** ody ody

 **stopfrickinlying:** ody ody ody

 **fuckyachickenstrips:** ody ody

 **lizbian:** ody ody

 **towerprincess:** ody ody

 **legitness:** ody ody

 **appleblossom:**...What?

 **melaniemartinez:** yayyyyy!!! apples back!!!!

 **gaybelle:** no offense but i would beat all of u in rapping

 **legitness:** cap

 **melaniemartinez:** capper no capping

 **biggaywolf:** CAPP

 **gaybelle:** i didnt memorize wap for nothing

 **appleblossom:** Wap?

  
 **emobird:** APPLE DOESNT KNOW WHAT WAP MEANS GHVBUHVYFTUL

 **guccislippers:** do yall hear that music

 **legitness:** oh my god couldnt be

 **idontgetnosleep:** I SAID CERTIFIED FREAK

 **abadbleep:** SEVEN DAYS A WEEK

 **melaniemartinez:** WET ASS PUSSY

 **stepbro:** MAKE THAT PULL OUT GAME WEAK, AH

 **appleblossom:** WHAT IS THAT HORROR?! TURN IT OFF!

 **swordlesbian:** WHERE IS IT COMING FROM LMFAOOO

 **freestyledanceteacher:** dance class got… intense

 **babyhangingstation:** i challenged justine to a dance competetion

 **babyhangingstation:** competation

 **babyhangingstation:** compilation

 **babyhangingstation:** fuck it

 **babyhangingstation:** winner winner WAP for dinner

 **friendswiththemonster:** W H A T FOR D I N N E R??????

  
 **wtfisupkyle:** WHY THE FUCK ARE THE SPEAKERS SO LOUD

 **emobird:** im not complaining 

**appleblossom:** BUT I AM! DUCHESS, TURN IT OFF!! THIS IS AN ORDER!!

 **babyhangingstation:** r u my dad lol

 **babyhangingstation:** fine i’ll turn it off

 **appleblossom:** Thank you.

 **babyhangingstation:** IF YOU SING THE CHORUS TO WAP

 **swordlesbian:** OH SHIT

 **appleblossom:** EXCUSE ME?! THAT’S THE LAST THING I’LL DO!

 **babyhangingstaion:** I WON’T TURN IT OFF UNLESS YOU DO

 **biggaywolf:** i‘ll pay big fucking bucks to see that shit

 **appleblossom:** You have become my worst enemy, Duchess.

 **babyhangingstation:** aren’t i everyones?

  
 **mcdonalds:** tru

 **legitness:** how are you not ruling the world yet

 **babyhangingstation:** but you are my world

 **legitness:** my godmother thats smooth

**swordlesbian has sent a twenty second video.**

**appleblossom:** YOU SENT IT TO THE GROUP CHAT?!

 **swordlesbian:** u did great babe ily

 **emobird:** YOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 **towerprincess:** APPLE SWEARING MAKES ME SO UNCOMFORTABLE LMFAOO

 **idontgetnosleep:** DUDE WHY SHE LOOK LIKE SHE KNOW THE LYRICS By HEART

 **fuckyachickenstrips:** THATS SUS

 **friendswiththemonster:** apple saying pussy is so terrifying but i wanna watch it again

 **l8r_sk8r:** BAHAHAHAHAHA

 **guacguacamole:** apple got flow tho

 **swordlesbian:** THATS WHAT I’VE BEEN SAYINGGGGGGGG

 **appleblossom:** My reputation is done for.

 **mcdonalds:** dont worry we wont post it online apple

 **gaybelle:** … yet

 **gaybelle:** also congratulations duchess was the first person to make apple swear so she wins

 **swordlesbian:** SHIT I FORGOT ABOUT THAT

**babyhangingstation sent a photo.**

**babyhangingstation:** OH MY GODOTHER YOU WERE FOR REAL>?”??

 **emobird:** YOURE FUCKING LYING SHE REALLY PAYPALLED U 100K  
 **gaybelle:** Yes, my 100k was worth it

 **biggaywolf:** WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU GET THE MONEY

 **gaybelle:** maybe if u read my lore u would know my mom is rich

 **babyhangingstation:** POPPY GET READY WE’RE GONNA GO GET OUR NAILS DONE

 **legitness:** but we’re lesbians honey

 **babyhangingstation:** oh yeah… shit

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hang on so FOE just got over 100 kudos.. I’m going to cry. Thanks for the support!!


	6. Rock Paper Scissors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> appleblossom: Where do you align amongst positive and negative reactions when speculated to be a fond and active listener of a certain artist by the name of Girl In Red?
> 
> emobird: yeah im not reading that
> 
> fuckyachickenstrips: play rock paper scissors
> 
> lizbian: because..
> 
> biggaywolf: i mean if she instinctively goes with scissors…….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO HI HELLO! sorry for no updates this past month, unfortunately school has been hard, so very little time could be put in this (and I’ve been spending a little time on a Genshin fic) but FINALLY! An update!!

**[Personal Chat]**

**Cupid:** Hey Blondie

 **Blondie:** whats up?

 **Cupid:** so grimm is trying to shut down my station again..

 **Blondie:** aww that sucks :( he’s such an ass >:(

 **Cupid:** you can say that again, he said that i was a bad influence for upcoming students who “haven’t already been poisoned into being a rebel”

 **Cupid:** I know its sudden but he’s cut down my funding and i couldn’t afford the studio anymore.. could i borrow urs for the time being? 

**Blondie:** of course!! whatever you need i am here for you!! you can borrow it as long as you want!!!

 **Cupid:** really? tysm!!!

 **Blondie:** ofc dont worry about it <3 ur my best friend and u mean the world to me!!

 **Cupid:** <3

**[Personal Chat]**

**Cupid:** ADD ME TO THE WLW CHAT RN

 **Darling:** oh?? some1 got a crush? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

**Cupid:** PLEASE JUST ADD ME

**[girls!girls!girls!]**

**swordlesbian added whatislove**

**idontgetnosleep:** OH????

 **gaybelle:** SAY WORD CUPID

 **freestyledanceteacher:** hang on what

 **appleblossom:** Welcome, Cupid!

 **whatislove:** GUYS HELP IM SUCH A USELESS PANSEXUAL

 **fuckyachickenstrips:** same

 **emobird:** Same

 **friendswiththemonster:** sameeee

 **appleblossom:** None of you are useless! You are very special.

 **whatislove:** SO WHY CANT I JUST TELL HER I LIKE HER

 **fuckyachickenstrips:** because ur nervous and we dont know if shes.. you know

 **appleblossom:** Who? We don’t know if that person is what?

 **gaybelle:** im sorry but if i thought apple was straight then she must be S-T-R-A-I-G-H-T

 **appleblossom:** I’m sorry, who?

 **emobird:** huh.. i thought u said no one in EAH was straight

 **abadbleep:** is straight even a word

 **lizbian:** she seems closeted to me

 **babyhangingstation:** when we first met she seemed like a homophobe sorry not sorry

 **whatislove:** DUCHESS OH MY GRIMM WHY

 **legitness:** same though

 **appleblossom:** Well, to be fair, Faybelle, I thought I was straight too. But seriously, WHO are we talking about?!

 **melaniemartinez:** are u guys kidding she’s totally a cottagecore lesbian

 **legitness:** what if she’s not a lesbian?

 **babyhangingstation:** do u see the way she looks at men vs women

 **biggaywolf:** 20 bucks she’s not gay

 **gaybelle:** 20 bucks she IS

 **biggaywolf:** make it 50

 **gaybelle:** you really wanna watch the world burn

 **whatislove:** THIS IS NOT!!! HELPING!!!!

 **appleblossom:** I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHO WE’RE TALKING ABOUT!!!!

 **emobird:** apple who else

 **appleblossom:** …

 **appleblossom:** Blondie seems extremely straight.

 **biggaywolf:** IF APPLE SAYS SHE’S STRAIGHT THEN IT MUST BE TRUE

 **appleblossom:** Sorry, Cupid. I know it must be tough, how about I try and get some info?

 **whatislove:** that’d be rlly nice apple 

**freestyledanceteacher:** why blondie?

 **whatislove:** im still trying to figure it out.. she’s just so pretty and friendly.. she’s so nice when you really and i mean REALLY get to hang out with her, she’s just.. just so perfect

 **whatislove:** hilarious. im an expert at helping people with their feelings but i struggle working out my own

 **appleblossom:** Then we’ll take the wheel and help you!

 **babyhangingstation:** who said we, you think i can function?   
  
**emobird:** nobody said you could and nobody thinks you can

 **babyhangingstation:** fucking ouch

 **idontgetnosleep:** okay so how do we casually approach blondie and ask “hey do u like girls”

 **appleblossom:** Where do you align amongst positive and negative reactions when speculated to be a fond and active listener of a certain artist by the name of Girl In Red?

 **emobird:** yeah im not reading that

 **fuckyachickenstrips:** play rock paper scissors

 **lizbian:** because..

 **biggaywolf:** i mean if she instinctively goes with scissors…….

 **friendswiththemonster:** thank god blondie’s not a hair stylist, that’d be a lot more difficult

 **babyhangingstation:** yeah, i would know

 **legitness:** as a hairstylist, i am offended by how right this is

 **abadbleep:** look at her dead in the eye and say “what are the odds of you and i making out right now”

 **whatislove:** THATS EVEN WORSE THAN JUST ASKING IF SHE IS A WLW

 **lizbian:** but it works

 **freestyledanceteacher:** oh but it works

 **idontgetnosleep:** WOULD YOU BELIEVE HOW IT WORKS

 **swordlesbian:** im convinced it works cupid so it seems solid

 **whatislove:** I’D RATHER SHOOT A LOVE ARROW STRAIGHT IN HER HEART

 **gaybelle:** SO DO IT

 **whatislove:** NOO

 **biggaywolf:** this tension is so unreasonably thick im tasting oatmeal, disgusting

 **appleblossom:** You got something against oatmeal? It’s delicious!

 **biggaywolf:** who the fuck eats oatmeal

 **idontgetnosleep:** this bowl of oatmeal might be thick but this ass is thicker

 **appleblossom:** Oatmeal has officially been ruined for me.

**Personal Chat**

  
  


**Apple:** Hi, Blondie.

 **Blondie:** god you text like a maniaqc i thought my mother was texting me

 **Apple:** Can a girl just politely text her friends without being harassed?

 **Blondie:** adding periods to the end of your messages sounds like you’re yelling @ me

 **Apple:** Isn’t that what caps are for?

 **Blondie:** Look at this dot. It stares back at me with such unusual intensity I feel like I have to kneel for me to earn its respect.

 **Apple:** Alright, this discussion is over. I’m texting you because Darling and I felt like going on a double date to the Cheesecake Factory tomorrow but everyone is busy. You wouldn’t happen to be free and be able to join us with someone, would you?

 **Blondie:** uhhhhhhhhhhhhh in case you haven’t noticed im single

 **Apple:** I know, but maybe you could bring someone over, even just a friend? Maybe there’s someone who you could get closer to? Anybody?

 **Blondie:** well there is someone but YOU CANT SAY ANYTHING

 **Apple:** My lips are sealed!

 **Blondie:** i’ll ask them first, see if they’re up for it

**Personal Chat**

**Blondie:** cupidcupidcupidcupid

 **Cupid:** omg do i have to call the cops

 **Blondie:** not yet

 **Cupid:** YET?

 **Blondie:** NAH IM KIDDING but darling and apple asked me to go to the Cheesecake Factory and bring somebody else… i dont really talk to anyone else (single i mean) so maybe you wanna come with me?

 **Cupid:** oh, what day?

 **Blondie:** tomorrow

 **Blondie:** it sounds like a double date and i dont know how that makes you feel so you can say no if you’re uncomfortable

 **Cupid:** oh dont worry about that, i’d love to go!!!

 **Blondie:** ah thanks!! i didnt wanna third wheel lol

 **Blondie:** okay im gonna ask apple for more details and i’ll let you know! thanks <3

 **Cupid:** yupyup i’ll see u later!!

**Personal Chat**

**Cupid:** APPLE WHITE WTF DID YOU DO WHY DID BLONDIE ASK ME OUT ON A DOUBLE DATE WITH YOU AND DARLING

 **Apple:** Aww, she asked you? Seems really endearing considering that I specifically mentioned to bring anyone she might have an interest in…

 **Cupid:** YOU SAID W HA T

 **Apple:** Oops, TTYL! Blondie’s asking me for details!

 **Cupid:** APPLEEEEEEEEEEEEE

**Personal Chat:**

**(7:59pm)**

**Blondie:** hey apple where are u two? cupid and i are inside and the waiter’s said you’ve got ten more minutes

 **Apple:** Yes, so about that. Darling is extremely ill and I caught her cold since we share a room. We have to cancel. You two have fun, though!

 **Blondie:** APPLE W2HAT THE FUCK I KNOW YOURE LYING DARLINGS FINE

 **Blondie:** APPLE CMONNNNN YOU KNOW THAT I LIKE HER AND NOW THIS FEELS LIKE A DATE APPLE ARE YOU KIDDING

**Personal Chat:** **  
  
**

**Apple:** Hey, babe. Can we watch Titanic?

 **Darling:** ...Again?   
  
**Apple:** :(

 **Darling:** OKAY BUT ONLY BECAUSE I LOVE YOU IM GOING TO THE STORE I’LL GET YOU WHATEVER CHOCOLATES YOU WANT I LOVE YOU OKAY I THINK THE MOVIE’S OVVERRATED BUT ILL WATCH IT CUZ I LOVE YOU OKAY PLEASE DOTN BE SAD

 **Apple:** :D

 **Darling:** you really can be a wicked manipulator at times yknow that

 **Apple:** Teehee~

 **Darling:** didnt you make reservations tonight? weren’t we gonna get dinner?

 **Apple:** Uh, no. They were full. We can go tomorrow, though?

 **Darling:** apple what did u do

 **Apple:** Nothing. So, can you get Kit-Kats?


	7. we interrupt this dysfunctional plot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maddie: WINDOW OF OPPURTUNITY WINDOW OF OPPURTUNTIYTTTBO  
> Kitty: opprtanity?  
> The Narrator: Opportunity.   
> Maddie: u can literally control everything we say why cant we spell opurntuity  
> The Narrator: i’d rather not answer that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey so this chapter is a bit more serious so TW for some homophobia because we already know milton grimm is fucking weird

**the fourth wall hates us**

**Maddie:** its break time already?? didn’t we just get to the good part

**Kitty:** yeah but the narrator’s gone awfully quiet so we gotta figure out whats going on

**Blondie:** wait why am i here

**Maddie:** so we can give you a story, silly!!

**Maddie has added The Narrator.**

**The Narrator left.**

**Maddie has added The Narrator.**

**The Narrator left.**

**Maddie has added The Narrator.**

**The Narrator left.**

**Maddie has added The Narrator.**

**The Narrator left.**

**Maddie has added The Narrator.**

**The Narrator left.**

**Maddie has added The Narrator.**

**The Narrator left.**

**Blondie:** who the fuck

**Maddie:** see everytime we try and get the narrator to respond to our antics it always fails

**Kitty:** HOW DO YOU EVEN HAVE THEIR NUMBER

**Maddie:** thats a really good question i dont have the answer to

**Kitty:** okay can we just move on with the story i wanna know what happens to clondie

**Maddie:** same but i really wanna know why the narrator never stops by anymore

**Maddie has added The Narrator.**

**Maddie:** WINDOW OF OPPURTUNITY WINDOW OF OPPURTUNTIYTTTBO

**Kitty:** opprtanity?

**The Narrator:** Opportunity. 

**Maddie:** u can literally control everything we say why cant we spell opurntuity

**The Narrator:** i’d rather not answer that

**Maddie:** YOU NEVER PAY ATTENTION TO US ANYMORE WHATS GOING ON

**The Narrator:** nothing just busy

**Maddie:** doing….

**Blondie:** WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU

**The Narrator:** the reason u and cupid went on that date yesterday

**Blondie:** HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT

**Blondie:** IM BEING TROLLED ARENT I ITS DARLING ISNT IT

**Kitty:** wouldn’t the tag read “darling” then?

**Blondie:** HOLY DUCK

**Maddie:** narrator i can literally transcend through any piece of fiction u narate why cant i break the fourth wall anymore

**The Narrator:** because what im writing involves a modern alternate universe where u cant hear me

**The Narrator:** WAIT FUCK

**The Narrator left.**

**Blondie:** thanks now im questioning my existence and am permanently scarred

**Maddie:** do u think the narrator’s gonna pay attention to us once that alternate universe starts existing

**Kitty:** probably not SO CAN WE PLEASE CONTINUE

**Maddie:** right right okayyyy

**homies and homosexuals** **  
  
**

**bigbirkinbag added wtfisupkyle, lostinwonderland, l8r_sk8r and 2 more**

**bigbirkinbag:** im calling a meeting with literally every man who goes to this school

**wtfisupkyle:** but hopper and humphrey-

**bigbirkinbag:** irrelevant just like my supposed “redemption arc”, next

**bigbirkinbag:** WHERE ARE THE GIRLS

**stepbro:** not in this group chat

**bigbirkinbag:** THATS NOT WHAT I MEAN

**bigbirkinbag:** dont yall notice that the main group chat randomly died

**l8r_sk8r:** was too busy getting bitches to care

**stepbro:** bro what bitches

**l8r_sk8r:** SHUT UP

**guacguacamole:** i know, its like they made a group chat and did not include us and started talking there

**girls!girls!girls!**

**swordlesbian:** guys why do i feel like we’re forgetting something

**gaybelle:** if ur forgetting about it its not important

**idontgetnosleep:** you left bunny at the store one time

**gaybelle:** that was on purpose.

**homies and homosexuals**

**lostinwonderland:** k so what do u want us to do with that information

**bigbirkinbag:** the girls are planning to kill us

**wtfisupkyle:** no they are not

**stepbro:** good i’ll tell my mom to not throw me a funeral

**bigbirkinbag:** u dont want a funeral?   
**stepbro:** gonna ask the homies to bury me so they can let me down one last time

**guacguacamole:** haha so funny omg hee laa ree ous hahahahahahahaha

**stepbro:** bro..

**wtfisupkyle:** hunter when was the last time u touched some grass

**guacguacamole:** You fool. Grass can’t save me now.

**bigbirkinbag:** you have a math test next thursday dont u

**guacguacamole:** IM GOING INSANE SOMEBODY FUCKING SAVE ME

**wtfisupkyle:** math isnt even hard

**bigbirkinbag:** shut up nerd

**stepbro:** shut up nerd

**lostinwonderland:** shut up nerd

**l8r_sk8r:** shut up nerd

**guacguacamole:** shut up nerd

**wtfisupkyle:** :’)

**be gay, do crime**

**stepbro:** chat died we’re bringing it back 2 life 

**biggaywolf:** SHIT THATS WHAT WE FORGOT

**emobird:** how bad has your humour gotten over the past 48 hours of not speaking to a woman

**stepbro:** MY HUMOUR IS NOT BAD

**gaybelle:** u cackled when the teacher said fart class instead of art today

**stepbro:** IT WAS FUNNY COME ON

**gaybelle has created the role “President Haha” and added it to stepbro’s card.**

**mcdonalds:** can u guys stfu im watching a movie

**emobird:** WITH WHOOOOOOOO

**swordlesbian:** OOH WITH WHOOOOOOOOOOO

**idontgetnosleep:** why are we asking with who we KNOW WHO

**bigbirkinbag:** UH- NO WE DONT??????

**appleblossom:** Somebody inform him.

**fuckyachickenstrips:** lesbianism

**gaybelle:** girls

**guccislippers:** wooloowoo

**guacguacamole:** huh? 

**stopfrickinlyi** **ng:** she means wlw

**whatislove** : guys i think i found the answer to what is love?

**fuckyachickenstrips:** baby don’t hurt me?

**abadbleep:** 사탕처럼 달콤하다는데?

**mcdonalds:** I can’t even read that

**melaniemartinez:** kitty u listen to TWICE too :D???

**abadbleep:** nayeon supremacy

**lizbian:** so after pining for 3 years they finally got together?? sheesh took em long enough

**whatislove:** ...three years- i only realized my crush 2 weeks ago

**lizbian:** oh. ohhhh. okay im gonna go

**mcdonalds:** LIZZIE

**whatislove:** wait babe you had a crush on me for three years

**mcdonald:** n..nes

**whatislove:** aww thats so cute honestly

**emobird:** imagine having a crush on someone for three years

**wtfisupkyle:** you really shouldnt be talking honey

**emobird:** no no because i had more than a love life going 4 me while having a crush on me was practically the meaning of ur existence

**bigbirkinbag:** shes got a point bro

**swordlesbian:** shes got a point bro

**wtfisupkyle:** I KEEP GETTING MADE FUN OF EVERYWHERE I GO

**stopfrickinlying:** ANYWAYS we’re super happy for cupid and blondie!!

**mcdonalds:** aww thanks cedar

**gaybelle:** PAY UP RAMONA

**mcdonalds:** what?

**biggaywolf:** long story 

**fuckyachickenstrips:** its literally a story that can be summed up in eight words

**biggaywolf:** I SAID ITS A LONG STORY

**fuckyachickenstrips:** but if i speak..

**mcdonalds:** YOU WERE BETTING ON US

**biggaywolf:** uh

**gaybelle:** well

**whatislove:** omg yes they were just admit it 

**biggaywolf:** thats cheating cupid already knew

**mcdonalds:** CUPID U KNEW

**babyhangingstation:** omg lovers quarrel

**mcdonalds:** NO ITS NOT

**friendswiththemonster:** OKAY GUYS THATS ENOUGH 

**friendswiththemonster:** why dont we talk about whats actually important.. like what i read on the schools newsletter today

**guacguacamole:** yea yeah like uhh something went up by 15%

**l8r_sk8r:** this dick

**emobird:** SPARROW SHUT UP

**babyhangingstation:** SPARROW SHUT UP

**fuckyachickenstrips:** SPARROW SHUT UP!!!

**l8r_sk8r:** wow so we can all make inappropriate jokes except me

**appleblossom:** You are literally the only one who does. Your rights have been withdrawn.

**l8r_sk8r:** IM GOING 2 COURT 4 THIS

**lizbian:** nope no nope no no no not again

**friendswiththemonster:** or we could be talking about how milton grimm was seen attending a rally of homophobes trying to ban gay marriage this weekend

**wtfisupkyle:** HE WAS SEEN WHERE WITH WHO DOING WHAT???????

**babyhangingstation:** EXCUSE ME WHAT THE FUCK

**whatislove:** i think im gonna be sick

**appleblossom:** Are you kidding me?! That’s so.. so stupid!

**swordlesbian:** holy shit wow

**emobird:** did apple just say stupid

**swordlesbian:** i know its such amazing progress i love her

**swordlesbian:** BUT ANYWAYS WHAT THE FUCK IS HIS PROBLEM

**bigbirkinbag:** dude what the hex, thinking about how it was a RALLY.. the homophobia never really ends :(

**biggaywolf:** okay so how do we kill him and everyone who was there

**guccislippers:** HANG ON HANG ON we dont have to immediately resort to murder

**gaybelle:** yes we do

**swordlesbian:** yes we do

**babyhangingstation:** YES WE DO

**legitness:** i have never killed anyone in my life but i know every single point of the body a pair of scissors can be called a lethal weapon against

**towerprincess:** thats terrible!   
**legitness:** grimm or the scissors?   
**towerprincess:** both but i’ll just pretend like i didnt read that

**lostinwonderland:** its shit like this that makes me miss wonderland, no offence

**emobird:** ugh none taken i hate it here too 

**appleblossom:** This really will say a lot if he finds out that his own students are LGBTQ+.

**fuckyachickenstrips:** wait shit what is he gonna do if he does find out

**freestyledanceteacher:** nooo I’m too young to go to c*nvers**n therapy

**biggaywolf:** BABE YOU SHOULDNT BE GOING THERE PERIOD

**idontgetnosleep:** I know this isn’t a laughing matter but I read converse therapy and wondered why you needed to go to therapy for shoes.. yeah what r we gonna do if he finds out..

**babyhangingstation:** shit idk, I mean how would he find out

**gaybelle:** well I don’t know about u guys but my side of my dorm room isn’t exactly subtle

**biggaywolf:** y’all still have sides of the room?

**idontgetnosleep:** Not much of a choice tbh, the beds were already ordered and me and gaybelle didn’t have the heart to reject our parents

**idontgetnosleep:** FAYBELLE**

**gaybelle** : tomato tomahto baby they understand 

**fuckyachickenstrips:** it would save up a lot of space to just have one bed tho

**biggaywolf:** it does

**freestyledanceteacher:** oh it does

**appleblossom:** Yes, it does.

**swordlesbian:** yup 

**legitness:** more space for nice furniture 

**babyhangingstation:** there is the colour scheme issue tho 

**towerprincess:** im not a furniture fanatic so can we get back to the main topic at hand 

**appleblossom:** Well, since nothing got violent or destroyed, we can’t sue him or anything.

**biggaywolf:** Looks like our only option is..

**towerprincess:** NOT MURDER

**biggaywolf:** damn u

**l8r_sk8r:** hey so uh.. cupid and blondie how r u guys

**mcdonalds:** Well we could b better.. y?

**l8r_sk8r:** I mean it’s rlly bad timing y’know, u just got together and this is the first thing U hear, must be tuff

**whatislove:** That’s true but we’re gonna hope that Grimm doesn’t bring his beliefs to the workplace and he just keeps that to himself..

**bigbirkinbag:** might be hard if he’s openly exposing himself to that garbage stuff 

**swordlesbian:** do u guys wanna come over to our dorm room? i think it could fit all of us and we can just chill and figure out what to do

**appleblossom:** Yeah, there’s snacks and games for everyone!

**wtfisupkyle:** hell yeah

**babyhangingstation:** Count is in

**gaybelle:** Be there in 5

**be gay, do crime**

**(4:39am)**

**melaniemartinez:** anybody up

**emobird:** Maddie u are literally beside me

**melaniemartinez:** No silly I’m on the ceiling

**swordlesbian:** HOLY SHIT SHE IS

**biggaywolf:** it’s the sound of everyone’s phone going off in the same room for me

**abadbleep:** I muted this group chat the day it was born it’s adorable some of them still have that much love for u guys 

**fuckyachickenstrips:** when they said we could come over I wasn’t thinking sleepover

**gaybelle:** as suspicious as it might make the teachers idc this was awesome

**idontgetnosleep:** BYE APPLE KNOWS

**stepbro:** Damn I just got here and now I’m getting told to go back to bed

**gaybelle:** Loser anyways stop texting so the phones stop pinging

**fuckyachickenstrips:** but u just

**gaybelle:** I KNOW WHAT I DID STFU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the audience for my works have been getting some attention recently so i just wanted to do a little tease of my upcoming eah fic! lots of details are still in the works but im excited to say its in progress!

**Author's Note:**

> welcome to my hiding spot where I like to dump random chapters at any given moment instead of going to online classes :)
> 
> this fic is like a little safe zone for me where I can just dump some shits and giggles while I get out of writers block and work on some more serious fics in the future
> 
> thank you for reading!!


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